Sooo a few months ago, I read this book called the The Purity Myth by Jessica Valenti. The book takes a critical approach to the cultural narrative told to girls about their sexuality via media, family, and sex education in the United States. If I'm totally honest, it wasn't really a shocker because I come from a pretty conservative family and had to learn on my own that a lot of the religious teachings that constructed my views toward my sexuality were, well, bullshit. I thought Valenti took a harsh approach to these people, judging them just as severely as they judge sexually active women. Yeah, it's a frustrating situation, but when I think of my poor lost family members that gave me advice during my teenage years, I don't see evil puritans... I see people who only want to make their God happy and help everyone around them make it to heaven. It's backwards and wrong, but I think the solution is through empathy, not judgement. Isn't that what we're constantly demanding when we fight to end slut shaming?
Nevertheless, Valenti has good intentions, and to paraphrase The Perks of Being a Wallflower, read it with a filter, not like a sponge. Overall, I did learn some new things, she proved a lot of connections between culture, belief, and the damage of this Virgin/Slut dichotomy that is essential to fighting misogyny.
Since reading this book, I feel as though I've been put on high alert. I see the dichotomy in movies (ESPECIALLY kids movies), music (I'm looking at you, mainstream!), and, sadly enough, the next generation of Americans.
In my family, I'm known as the open-minded one, and even though conservative families tend to frown on progressive hippies, I can tell you confidently that they don't hesitate to call ME when they're stuck in a pickle.
So this week, I got a call from my cousin who's having boy troubles. She's only in 10th grade, but we've been close since toddler days and so we still talk often even if I'm halfway across the world. She was telling me about her current beau and how actually she's over it. Wants to be single. It's the way of the high school game.
"But I've done stuff with him!" She said to me.
"So?? If you don't like him then... uhh... break up with him!" I told her. And that's when she said something I hadn't heard in years and was hoping to never ever hear again. "Yeah but if he tells, no one will want to be with me. Guys don't want a girl who's used."
I think I vomited a little bit in my mouth when she said it. My cousin is one of the most beautiful, intelligent, athletic people I know and for her to doubt her merit because of her sexuality made me so terribly sad and frustrated for her. And that's exactly what I told her, give or take a few words.
I basically replied that it's absolutely untrue that guys won't want to be with her anymore, and if some dont, they're prude assholes whose parents are obviously raising them with morals from the 18th century and who needs that anyway?
But it did have The Purity Myth alarm bells ringing in my head. I realized how spot on Valenti really was with how deep this dichotomy goes. First my cousin was the beautiful, smart athlete, but a little sexual exploration and BAM -- concrete slut for all eternity. It's not fair. And change only exists in education. We cannot let this mindset go unchecked. So I recommend the book whole-heartedly as a part of the fourth wave foundation.
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