Finding Your Feminism on the Feminist Spectrum

I was thinking about this while walking to the store today...

I think what I love most about feminism is that there's no structure to it beyond fighting individual and systemic gender oppression and working toward gender equality. Feminism is an ideology, and mindsets can't be worn or bought. They're believed. Feminism doesn't mean stop wearing your bra. It doesn't mean stop shaving. It doesn't mean to throw all your makeup away. I choose to do those things because once I learned about certain issues, that was my response. (Or wasn't my response -- I still have all my makeup).

I try to read as much as I can about feminism on a global scale, but in my day to day life in the first world, my little acts of feminism include explicitly telling a man "no" when he wants something I don't want to give, not giving that cute little disapproving laugh when someone makes a sexist joke, calling those out who make subtle stereotypical remarks that perpetuate oppressive mindsets.

One time I got catcalled and turned around, looked the guy dead in the eye, and said, "Really dude? I'm a human being." The look of shock on his face was so rewarding. Not because it was a "Ha! See I got him!" moment, but because his expression was genuine. Maybe he never realized women were humans and was now having that epiphany. Maybe he was simply linking the character-complexity he sees in his mother and sister to the random girl he was just catcalling on the street. I don't know. I don't care. As a feminist, these are the kinds of people who are keeping our world stagnate, but also have the potential to shift their perspectives and join the cause.

I don't think its fair to say that Western women shouldn't complain or fight the misogyny in our countries because it's "so much worse in other places". Because while that is true (for the majority of us, we don't have to deal with being a child bride, or being acid burned, or having our genitals mutilated), it's also not come far enough. Women in the first world are sexually assaulted on college campuses like its an extracurricular activity. And isn't it funny how when schools get shot up, everyone talks about making the schools safer for kids, but when a college woman is raped, everyone wants to know what she was wearing? That alone shows the mindset in the West (I'm talking more specifically about America) is not where it should be... and that's why I'm a first-world feminist.

My Feminism also doesn't mean that I want to cry and beg for change because, well, poor me! I'm not a victim just because of the genitalia between my legs. But that also means I'm not going to stay in my quiet, docile box or conform to any other social structure that's just not me.
I'm a human being, and that's all feminism ever articulated.

So the point is that the fight for gender equality has layers like an onion. Some may be more subtle, but it all stinks. If you care about the state of global womanhood, you're not crazy or militant or stupid. You just see things for what they are: That there are other human beings out here being oppressed by a failing system and that doesn't feel okay. If that last sentence is you, and you want to change things, you identify with feminism.

I'm saying all of this to say, let this blog be a place where one feminist is heard, but I don't speak for all feminists. What I love about feminism is that it's an entire spectrum. And being a feminist doesn't depend on where you find yourself within the spectrum, but more on what you can take from and give to it.

When finding Your Feminism on the Feminist Spectrum, start with some good books and videos. When I first learned about sex trafficking, I couldn't believe how real and common it is. The more I learned about what a massive problem this is, the more I also learned about the people who are fighting to stop it. Donate to them. Volunteer for them.

That's what I did when I learned about an NGO school for Cambodian refugee children in Thailand. Because of their status, they had been barred from public school. Many of the children were girls, who without education, could easily fall victim to the very sex trafficking I had been reading and watching documentaries about. I flew across the world, packed with books and supplies, and taught for 6 weeks at the school.

Beyond the day to day education they received while I was there, I showed everyone -- both girls and boys -- that a young woman (and a brown one at that!) can be educated and even teach abroad if she has the drive. Maybe that inspired them to stay in school. It's all I can hope.

But that's the thing about mindsets, they're in your mind. So only time will tell, but with the small fraction I have on this planet, I want to spend it on the paradigm shift. What about you?

My Weird Relationship With Shaving

Coming out again: I haven't regularly shaved my armpits or vagina in almost 10 months.

The boycott started in response to this ad gag:

I got a really bad feeling in my stomach from this ad. And I wasn't the only one. Thousands of comments flooded veet's social media networks complaining that these ads were body-shaming and insulting. I was glad to not be alone. I couldn't imagine how I'd feel if these commercials were written off as "wacky, tongue-in-cheek humor" as Veet said in an apology after the backlash.

Again, it goes back to feminism is the fight for gender equality. I believe gender equality begins by becoming aware of the gender binary, its narrative in society, and the behavioral confines it establishes for people of conventional and non-conventional identities. I believe that my greatest responsibility as a feminist is to challenge these structures and de-sexualize behaviors and attitudes that limit and/or judge people outside of status-quo. It's why I always try to get the little girls and boys I teach to use other colors than just blue, green, pink, and purple during arts and crafts time. (I must say, it's amazing the way a 4 year old has already internalized this outlook of pink=girl, blue=boy). It's why I'm open to men wearing make up. And it's also why I've stopped shaving.

After Veet infamously highlighted the severity of this social expectation, I began researching hair removal for aesthetic purposes and came across some interesting, and disturbing, revelations.

1) The idea to remove hair for beauty did not begin with men suddenly desiring a completely hairless woman and it did not begin with a paradigm shift among women to put hot wax all over them and then rip it off in strips, taking hair right from the roots with it. No, the idea to remove female body hair began with an ad campaign in 1915 for Gillette. The razor company. That's right. Like engagement rings, Valentine's Day, and make up, companies have once again been able to convince us women that in order to be the most beautiful and loved, we need to have A, B, and C (A Bare Coochie).

2) Beyond its shoddy origins, regularly removing body hair also isn't good for human skin for a couple of reasons. First and foremost, shaving and waxing cause microscopic cuts in the skin that irritate it, causing bumps (staph boils) or ingrown hairs later. (We all know those). Perhaps more importantly, let's focus exclusively on the mons pubis (the top of your vagina where the hair grows) and think about how microscopic cuts make it easier to pass STDs..... uhh what?! Ew! Well, correlation does not always mean causation, however, there have been studies which have associated the two.

3) The worst thing I came across was this question:

What people have no hair on their vaginas?

Take a breath and think about it. Yeah, you're right: ONLY little girls.

There's something inherently disturbing about a post-pubescent woman trying to emulate a young girl's vagina in order to be "attractive" for her man. Like really... what?? I talked to my grandma about this once, and she told me she was shocked to learn that girls these days shave their pubes. She told me back in the day (60s/70s) no girls shaved like that! And while there is plenty of evidence to show that removing pubic hair is a result of porn's influence in society, let's think about the basic porn narrative: Some beautiful girl has the shit fucked out of her hairless, labia majora liposuctioned/labia minora clipped vagina (appearing almost like a little girl's) by some ridiculous guy and his artificially giant dick. Add more or less details, but porn creates a lot of misconceptions about true sex and genital beauty that's I'm not sure I want to aesthetically mirror for my bedroom experiences.

So yeah. There's a lot more that goes into this than just shave or no-shave decision you have to make each time you shower.
Can't really blame the companies. We live in a capitalistic society. It's not personal, it's profits. But when they're sending us messages in order to produce anxiety in us that we need to buy stuff in order to ease,  and we turn around and internalize that and absorb these beliefs into our culture and allow porn to intensify these insecurities, I've got a problem. 1915 is long enough that we're having a bit of cultural amnesia, but let's snap out of it.  It's the social limitations we've constructed in our minds toward and against each other that make something as absolutely meaningless as body hair suddenly a subject of insecurity. Shave or don't shave, but it doesn't make you any more or less attractive. And as much as they talk, I can guarantee you, 99.999% of guys won't turn you down because of your natural hair.

BUT......

I have to admit, sometimes I do feel self conscious with hairy armpits. At the end of the day, we're social creatures and when the society rejects you, it can hurt pretty damn bad.
As J Whitehead explains,

If feminism is about choice, then women who make the decision to embrace the Brazilian, in isolation, should be respected (although as we don’t live in a vacuum, such a choice is no mean feat). Those who succumb to peer or partner pressure, body issues or unrealistic images of femininity, should also be respected, at the same time as being treated with compassion and empathy. The politics of disgust are hugely complex and it’s not easy to stand tall and furry while people crinkle their noses in disgust at you.

It's not easy at all. Sometimes I'd conform and feel like shit after shaving. Then I'd swear to never do it again, then a few months later, I'd feel pressured and shave and the whole cycle would start over again. So I've had to really confront myself with this issue and I'm still figuring out where I stand.

But for all of the reasons above, I'll never put a razor down there again. It doesn't mean I don't groom at all, I just do it based on my own comfort level, not on some ideal society has handed me to swallow without remark. I shave my armpits ONLY when I want to. A few weeks ago, I went to the club hairy arm-pitted in a tank top and danced shamelessly. Guys still hit on me and bought me drinks, and I got to dance with my girlfriends and let them see a girl completely confident in her own skin. Two weeks later, I shaved, and now I'm letting these bad boys grow back out. I think I might even dye them. Because come on, dyed armpits are fucking cool.

So no more of this:

And a lot more of this:

 

(And no, Daily Mail, it's not bizarre, it's beautiful!)

So why do or don't you shave? Has boycotting shaving ever crossed your mind? 

(P.S. This article did not discuss legs because I haven't touched those since the 8th grade)

Femithought Of The Day/Public Announcement: GIRLS, STOP WALKING WITH YOUR HEAD DOWN

So I'm post-epiphany on this one and just fed up.

Girls, stop walking with your head down.

I remember how it used to feel... Walking down the street all alone and just feeling out of place. There aren't even real words to describe this discomfort, but your chest feels a little tight and you're tense to get from A to B. Pulling out your phone to refresh facebook over and over does ease the tension a little bit, but not much. It feels like there's a spotlight on you, but every time you look up, you don't see one, so you try to shake the feeling. But you can't help it, its like when you've woken up from a nightmare... You know everything is okay, but nevertheless, your chest feels hollow.

At least that's my best attempt at describing the feeling with no name. I used to walk down the street and just keep my eyes on the sidewalk. That feeling became so normal that I didn't even realize how crazy any of this was.

Until one day...

I was walking down the street, blinders on, when I decided to look up and to my amazement, it was an absolutely beautiful day! I was passing by a church with a small pond in front of it. The sky was bright blue and the willow trees were swaying in the breeze. And I got angry. Angry that I had chosen to blind myself because of this stupid feeling in my chest. Because I didn't want to look at some stranger or feel their eyes on me. Why do they have more of a right to experience and enjoy the earth that surrounds us when we all got here the same spontaneous way? When I lie in my deathbed, am I really going to look back on my life and the endless sidewalks I've stared at?

Absolutely not.

So I made it a point to retrain my brain. Every time I was outside, I became hyper aware of my actions. I would make sure to keep my head up, facing ahead, and when others would walk passed me (especially a man or a group of men) and I'd feel that cold tight feeling grip my stomach and I'd just want to look down and walk faster, I'd force my neck stiff and walk on.

It was hard at first, but I stayed persistent and it's been at least a year since I've reshaped my walking behavior. Since changing, I've seen how many girls and women still hold this presence on the street and it makes me sad to see.


There's a lot of information in the feminist world about internalized social shame that women feel. We're supposed to be small, docile, and up until really the last century, mostly unseen. It's not surprising that remnants of these mindsets still exist in our culture today. To me, walking with your head down is the result of that. So stop it.

Today I saw this picture and I was taken aback. Of course, the girl posing looks happy. Her smile is radiating, and you can tell she feels confident in her tube top. Good for you, girlie! But its the girl in the background that made my eyes freeze. She's walking, maybe over to the fountains, or passed them, or who knows. Maybe she's just having a bad day. Or maybe she is just showing the "natural" walk that many girls have when in public. Slouched shoulders, head down, walking quickly and trying to be as low to the ground as possible. Point A to Point B.

It makes me sad. So here is my challenge to any person reading this: Start noticing how you present yourself when you're walking down the street. I'm not talking about your clothes or your make up. I'm talking about your gait. And once you notice that, notice the feeling within your chest. Is it tight and empty? And if it is, why?

And once you can't answer that question to self-satisfaction, realize that it could just be cultural stress because you're a girl in a world that subliminally tells you that you shouldn't be there. But you should. So let any self consciousness about that melt away like the dying patriarchy. You belong here and have just as much a right as any other to see the world in front of you. Your presence is not insulting or intimidating. It just is. So just be.


***Very important final note: Going back to my first post, I am a cisgender feminist and can only approach issues as such. However, I care about everyone and know that many of these issues stem beyond the cisgender feminist narrative. I'd imagine LGBTQ people or people of color may also slouch when they're walking due to subconscious (or very conscious) uneasiness in society. And who could blame them? But your body is just as worthy to be present and experience the world as anyone else. In everything that you do, your body is an act of defiance. So be there with your head high.